I have no words

Carrie called me yesterday morning to tell me there was a school shooting in Nashville, TN. It was not at our boys’ school, but the private school where victims lost their lives is closer to our house than our boys’ school. I heard what I assumed to be news helicopters and sirens all afternoon echoing off the hills. Even though our family wasn’t directly connected to the school or the people involved, I couldn’t help but hurt for the families that were affected. Three nine year old children (the same age as our oldest) were killed alongside three adults. The shooter was also killed by police responding to the scene — so much sadness and grief for our community.

Everyone I’ve spoken to feels numb, sad, mad, confused, disoriented, and a soup of other adjectives and emotions that leave us speechless.

I don’t have a lot to say and don’t have any goals of trying to find some profound way of viewing the events. Everyone is suffering from the actions of a suffering person’s mental health struggles: causing more mental health struggles.

I picked the boys up from school and gave them both longer and tighter hugs than usual. I enjoyed dinner and a show with the family appreciating the normal we were able to enjoy. At the same time, I haven’t (and don’t expect to any time soon) been able to understand the situation.

Writing music is the most effective way for me to communicate how I feel, so I recorded this song (below). It’s beautiful, sad, nostalgic, offensive, and disorienting; that’s how I felt and am still feeling.