Finger-Pointing

I’ve been soaking in a puddle of consequences of my younger self’s past liabilities: particularly surrounding to-do lists and unfinished projects I could have done and projects I wasn’t able to do or didn’t do. Today, I had a realization of something I had feared; I hadn’t taken care of a years-old problem with my laptop before I let the warranty expire. I was pissed at the company about it.

Not to make excuses of why I was frustrated… but…

I ordered a new laptop in early March of 2022. My “old” laptop was still under warranty. I was supposed to return the old laptop when I got my new one for a specific amount as a deposit on the new one. The estimated times of arrival was weeks out. A couple of weeks later, I got an update that it would be a few weeks later than the original estimate. These updated estimated delivery times were still before my old laptop’s warranty expired. 

A couple of weeks later, I got a new estimate pushing the date an additional six weeks out.

I got frustrated at the plausibility that I wouldn’t have a reliable machine to do work I really needed to do by a specific date. 

I called the company.

In 2022, supply chains are obviously compromised. Also, I’m not special and don’t want special treatment. I did call the company and got escalated a couple of levels (yes… I understand the irony of the last couple of sentences).

I ended up getting access to buy an interim, similar machine to what I had ordered (slower speeds with less storage capacity). My return policy was extended to after I got the new one—whenever that might be. This was a very favorable compromise (albeit a privileged position).

I got the new laptop and started processing a much-needed backlog of information. However, the new laptop’s architecture—functionally identical to my previously-ordered laptop’s connectivity—illustrated a major flaw that made me realize I may need to keep my old laptop in order to do what I need to do (in the most financially-sound way).

Enter frustration.

After realizing my newer, yet not newest, laptop was unable to use my older, quite expensive auxiliary items with the same reliability as my older machines, I learned my old laptop’s warranty had expired.

I was quick to blame the company for my lack of follow through—my lack of follow through was years long. It was easier to blame the company for the frustrating lapse than to accept my own inaction because I felt/feel guilt for my inaction and lack of follow through. The company didn’t force me to let the warranty lapse (because they offer the option to extend it if it hasn’t expired). I didn’t follow through with extending it. This is my reality, and it’s ethically neutral. 

I didn’t extend it. I’m now responsible to fix the problem—not them. 
I suffer from the guilt and shame—not them.
I’m responsible—not them.

My past inaction is easy to blame for my current reality, and my finger-pointing caused guilt and shame. I want to divorce guilt and shame as quickly as yesterday can come. This was a healthy step.