Thankful

I’m excited about my ASD diagnosis. If you feel uncomfortable reading that, I understand. For the first 38 years of my life, I knew very little about autism and didn’t know my entire experience of the world was through its lens – my lens.

My autism has given me the deep focus for learning new subjects and skills I’m interested in. It allows me to think outside of traditional structure: giving little credence to “the way it has always been done.” It gives me what some would call “the courage” to push against traditions or bureaucracies that, to me, seem to have no benefit. I give it credit for helping me develop a different way of experiencing my engagement with music, videography, math, candor, and self-confidence. 

I’m thankful for my ability to build complex visual frameworks of concepts with relative ease. I’m thankful for my ability to be grounded and calculated in situations where others might be reactive or overly-emotional. I am thankful that I stand for correctness when it benefits others. I like that I’m not passive aggressive and don’t receive passive aggression without calling it out. I’m thankful I have well-defined personal boundaries in all the areas I’ve learned to need boundaries. I’m thankful for my willingness to stand for what I perceive as being right. I’m thankful that I’m willing to apologize when what I thought was right ends up being wrong. I’m thankful that I like momentary failures because it helps me learn how not to. I’m thankful for my determination and resilience when I have a goal to reach. I’m thankful that I don’t see a human value difference between anyone based on age, race, socio-economic status, gender, orientation, or any other often-culturally-defining trait. I’m thankful that I have excellent recall of facts for subjects I’m interested in. I’m thankful that I’m loyal to friends and family without giving up my own self worth or boundaries doing it. I’m thankful that I am kind to people while never being a pushover.

Autism doesn’t define me, but my relatively new realization of its impact on my life has allowed me to love myself for the first time.

Although I struggle in many way, I’m finally thankful for me.